Dear Gideon,

There’s this one song– It’s called: Freefall and there’s a line that has given me joy and I hope you will find some appreciation in it too. The line goes “Only sundown, Sundays, Christmas”. For a good while I thought each was a time of celebration, as that’s what one once told me, but as time went on the truth dawned on me: Only sundown, Sundays, Christmas these aren’t times of celebration, there the ending of things, the ending of the day, the weekend, and the year. The song gives me this funny feeling. I feel the same funny feeling now writing this letter, its that bittersweet feeling of saying goodbye, the knowledge that all things come to an end eventually and it’s time to say goodbye to this beautiful thing. For some reason things ending makes my smile sad. Maybe I’m crazy for smiling at the end of things. Who isn’t?

In all honesty, I don’t know you that well, you’re not a close friend of mine despite there being a time last year when that was an opportunity. I know Gideon, but I don’t think I’ve met all of Gideon, I know the surface of you. I wonder what you know of me, not the me everyone sees but the often scared me beneath the surface. I could ask but I don’t want to know. Wonder, its a lovely word, and an endangered species. Underneath my surface I have two consuming fears, I’m afraid of the cold, and I’m afraid of losing my feeling of wonder. I call it the spark, since sometimes you can actually see it in someone’s eyes, this little spark of love. Love love love, love for the magic in our world, for the pain, for the good and bad, just a love of life and the love of loving. I’ve seen that spark go out. I’ve seen it lit too. I’m afraid mine is going to go out one day, maybe it has, maybe it doesn’t exist at all. I’m afraid my soul will rot and my body will grow fat as the tv blasts its orders into my zombified ears. Is it wrong that I often view myself as being more alive than others? It feels like a paradox to say.

Gideon, do you have any fears? Do you think you have that spark? Maybe I’m just being silly but sometimes, I truly do feel like if I love hard enough, I’ll be one with the world around me, like I’ll reach Nirvana, I’ll exist one with the brahman. I know you don’t appreciate it but I do admire your lack of a phone, so many of life’s wonders can be drained of that magic through the phone, when the worlds at your fingertips a picture is nearly the real thing. Nearly since the picture is often better, the perfect angle and perfect lighting. As I said wonder is an endangered species, maybe you’ll preserve it longer than I will.

As I write golden streams of light are reflecting off the dust in the air creating this truly beautiful atmosphere. I wish you were here to see it my friend. The sun is setting, but the year isn’t over yet. Gideon, It’s been a pleasure exchanging thoughts with you and I hope beyond anything that my writings have made your life better in even the smallest way. That these have made you smile or feel a little bit more than you would without them. The thing about endings is they aren’t easy, and I don’t know how to end this letter. When done correctly endings can be just as beautiful as the most beautiful things they end. Only sundown, Sundays, Christmas, the ending of things. It’s not just that is it? It’s also the start of things: sunrises, mondays, the new year. I hope these letters have started something just as beautiful and I hope you’re ready for tomorrow’s sunrise. I know I am.

Your friend and with love love love,
Griffin